BLAH !!!

I have to be honest and say that I do not like the fact that I do not know what is going on with this form I600A I am waiting on. I have a good idea that I should get used to this feeling that I have right now because I think I am going to become very familiar with it before this process is over. I have friends and clients that ask constantly, "what is going on with the adoption?" It is so hard to explain to someone who has no idea about the way things work.

God is good !!!! As I am sitting here writing this, I received an email from my agency letting me know that the wait list has decreased quite a bit due to a number of referalls. I could almost cry !!! Also, I found out that there are some things I can be getting ready that I was under the impression I had to wait until I had the I600A approval to do. The emotional ups and downs of this are incredible. I am NOT losing site of my hopes for a child at all, but it can feel very discouraging at times. Just when those times come along, usually something good happens, like the email I just received.

Been a few weeks

It has been a few weeks since I posted anything here. There really has not been much going on. I sent in my I600A form and am waiting to hear back from that. It takes about 3 months in the Atlanta office for it to go through. I did receive my copies of my home study today. There were about 5 or 6 of them in the envelope to send to various places that will require that information.

One reason I have not posted recently is because I got an email from my case worker that was informing those of us adopting from Vietnam that the same thing that happened in Guatemala (meaning the shut down of adoptions ) could occur in Vietnam. I won't go into all the technicalities, but the looming date is September 1st , 2008. I am told by the organization handling my adoption that this is common and that they really feel like it will not happen. But, as I am sure anyone can see, it does make me a little uneasy. I think I am far enough along in the process that I will have a "referral" long before that date. 

I have had to tap into a strength that can only come from one place, (God ) to be able to press forward in this process. I am uneasy about the whole situation, and my instincts tell me to not trust anything, and at times I wonder how I will feel if things do not work out for this adoption. I do not so much pray for this adoption to take place, as well as I do not pray for any thing in particular. I believe that God knows my heart. He knows I am not a perfect person, that in fact I may be "fit" to be a parent, but am I worthy of this gift that He knows I want. My utmost desire is that the will of God take place. I am not in a position to see the whole picture of what is going on as He is. I would never want to ask for something that is not in line with the journey He has for me. I was taught by a very dear friend that to be humble to God, not so much to be afraid, but to be in awe of His grace, keeps me in a place to accept what comes along. I think alot of times if I am going to be able to instill this into my child, if I should be so blessed. I think that more than anything else he might learn in his life, that getting into his soul so that he knows God's love is the most important job I will have. 

One thing I have learned since beginning the adoption process is that I have a certain peace inside or calm, whatever you want to call it. Some might say it is God telling me things are going to work out like I hope. Another might say I am just imagining it. But I know that even though there may be alot of us disappointed if this little boy doesn't make it here, what God has in mind will fulfill us as well.