Waiting...

Even though it is very early on Sunday morning, I am writing this as if it were still Saturday. I called Carl at the agency this afternoon to make sure my dossier got to him by noon. He confirmed that it had arrived and we discussed the fact that it may be necessary to expedite the translation of the dossier because of the time frame involved. I have realized that nothing is stable in the world of international adoption. New things come to light whether they were overlooked, failed to be mentioned, changed by one or the other governments, or, of course, I just do not remember being informed. I know that I am guilty of not remembering who I talked to about what during the course of a day. Due to the number of people I deal with, sometimes conversations seem to run together. One thing that I totally understood when I heard it today was, " unless the September 1st date is extended, my chances of getting a child are unlikely". I have known this all along, but still had more hope than I do right now. There are so many things I do not understand. I could have stopped this process when I first found out about the deadlines, but felt the urge to continue. It is such a weird feeling to think that all this work may not bring a child into my family as I had hoped. I know I am not alone in the way I feel. I know there are alot of other people going through the same thing. In some ways I feel worse for them because I know how some people feel like they are not complete without a child. I am so blessed to have family and friends that care and are supportive. I have looked into some of the domestic options open to me and I am not convinced that is for me. The next 3 months will be very difficult. Trying to have hope that I will be matched or the date will be extended, and also wondering what life has for me should it not work out. When I was young, my Dad used to tell me," it you want something, wait 2 weeks, and if you still want it, then it is ok to get it". It has been alot longer than 2 weeks...LOL.